Page 15 - SEN107 SEN Magazine July-August 2020

Justice is a big problem for both of my children. If they think they are being treated unfairly, they can have a meltdown and be incoherent with rage. Again, the only option to stop the meltdown and prevent danger to other children, is to remove the child to a safe place. This means restraint, in a kind and gentle way, but it is still restraint. This harms their self esteem greatly, as not only do other children see this happen, they also feel ashamed that this is the only way they can be dealt with. Friendships are a massive part of the school experience, and this is the biggest challenge my children face. My son overcompensates, showing off and playing the fool to make anyone like him. He steals money to spend on sweets for other children, just so they will speak to him, when they don’t even know his name! My daughter is angry and volatile to other children. She rejects them before they can reject her. The deep hurt she feels from her birth mother’s rejections of her resonates in the playground often. If someone acts negatively towards her she is off like a rocket and reacts with nastiness, tears and lies. As a result, she feels very ashamed and acts out for the rest of the night. The effect of Covid-19 on our family Covid - 19 and lockdown has been extremely difficult for our family. At the beginning, the children were reluctant to work while they adjusted to their new routines. I had plenty of energy and I came up with fun ways to encourage and motivate them while learning the essentials. However very quickly they began to struggle. The arguing increased as did the massive reactions and shouting tantrums. The swear words and attitude were constant, creating unhappiness and fights. All motivation for schooling was gone. Neither child would do anything without a massive battle. Daily walks became too much effort and all routine vanished. As parents we were also no longer coping. Our energy levels were exhausted and we had no way to improve them. Constantly trying to be therapeutic and supportive was draining, especially while we were trying to hold down full time jobs from home. Everyone had invaded my home office so my job became less and less important. Food bills were higher than ever as the constant eating to stave off anxiety had reached new heights! Any attempts at restriction caused more anger and anxiety as did meal times, changes in food types and the introduction of BBQ’s due to the nice weather. We battled on for 6 weeks. But then, the levels of violence became too risky. It was no longer petty sibling fighting. Their anxiety was so intense that their reactions became more and more fueled by anger. Bricks were thrown, boxes smashed and bedroom contents thrown down the stairs, including the mattress. We couldn’t continue in this way. Thankfully, both schools allowed our children to attend school again after easter. Just having them separated and away from each other is allowing this family to heal and re-energise, ready for the weekend battles which are part of our family life. In order for schools to be a safe place for our children, they need to feel safe. They need to know that the adults there can be relied upon to make consistent decisions, behave in consistent ways and that any barriers are firmly in place. There needs to be a named person who my child can go to check in and feel like someone has noticed that they are in school today, someone to ask how their latest hobby is going or just a friendly thumbs up across the room. Children are safe when someone notices them and cares. And that is all they want. Children are safe when someone notices them and cares. And that is all they want About the author Elena Holmes , parent of two adopted children and author of ‘ AdoptyMum: A Survival Guide To Life With Adopted Kids ’. elenaholmes.com ■ Home schooling is not the best choice for everyone. 15 senmagazine.co.uk SEN 107 Looked after children