Page 55 - SEN115 - November/December 2021

Child/parent abuse
About the author
Michelle John is the Founding Director of PEGS, an organisation set up to support parents, train professionals, influence national policy, and raise awareness
- borne out of her own lived experience and background in domestic abuse advocacy.
pegsupport.co.uk
@PEGS_support
@PEGS-Child-to-Parent-Abuse- Support-111995540438423
■ Getting frustrated.
permanently moved away from the family home in order to keep their parents and siblings safe, but this is naturally a very last resort only when the behaviour has escalated beyond the point where any other solution will have an impact.
And that’s why open and honest conversations at the earliest possible opportunity are always to be encouraged.
Parents report feeling lonely, ashamed, guilty and isolated – and simply hearing ‘I am listening and I believe you’ can be a huge relief where they have felt able to disclose their situation to their child’s school.
Many parents will have tried various methods to try and reduce the number or severity of incidents – so it’s important for professionals including schools to gauge what has worked well, and what hasn’t worked, from the outset.
Naturally, other organisations such as social services are likely to take the lead on working with a family to improve and hopefully resolve the situation – but having that open relationship where parents can feel comfortable sharing their CPA experiences with their child’s school can be hugely valuable, and having that information as a teacher is key to help them understand the home life of a student.
Signposting
Where organisations such as social services, Forensic CAMHS or not-for-profit services are already involved, it may be that parents don’t need schools to signpost them towards avenues of support. But sometimes, a member of staff is the first
“Parents report feeling lonely, ashamed, guilty and isolated”
professional a parent has spoken to – and in this case, it can be hugely helpful for the school to understand who’s out there and able to help, both from the public sector and the third sector too.
While CPA-specific services have traditionally been few and far between, now that both research and public awareness is increasing, charitable and not-for-profit organisations who have a working knowledge of CPA and can assist a family are also on the rise.
Keeping a directory of local and UK-wide services (including those who can help a family with related problems such as debt resulting from financial abuse) could help connect a family with a professional who can make a real difference.
The blame game!
It can be easy to assume CPA is a parenting problem – however many families will have multiple children but only have one displaying abusive or violent behaviours.
Their parenting experience is likely to have been altered somewhat anyway by the additional needs their child has, and then again when the CPA began. Being able to share that with someone outside of the home, and for that person to listen non-judgemental, can be a turning point in them going on to access more support and working towards a solution for their family.
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