Page 58 - SEN113 SEN Magazine July-August 2021-V3

Autism The quiet parent: Twelve reasons we avoid asking for help Debby Elley’s account of being a quiet parent. 58 Those who shout loudest get what they want. It’s a well-worn saying among parents in receipt of social care, sometimes used as a complaint, sometimes as encouragement to be more forceful. Practitioners are well aware of this, and our social care system is based on assessments designed to give help where it’s most needed, rather than simply rewarding ‘loud hailer’ parents. Yet in my own experience, deserving families are still falling under the radar when it comes to getting social support. There are many reasons for this. In my case, I’m what I call one of the ‘Quiet Parents’. I didn’t shout loudly or cause a fuss. I’m the mother of autistic teenagers and it took an experienced social worker to identify what our family’s needs were and support us in getting them met. So, why don’t we put our hands up for help when we need it? Through my work with families as well as personal experience, I’ve come across a dozen common reasons. We don’t know it’s out there For whatever reason, paths to the right kind of support aren’t always accessible. If you’re working, and the time not spent working is spent caring, researching what you’re entitled to is rather difficult. “Families of SEN children need more than that” My twin sons are both transitioning to adult care. I’ve attended courses, been given pamphlets, and a long list of website links...none of this was tailored to my own situation. I’m a journalist with a tenacious nature, but I still find the constant decision making for both my twins overwhelming at times. It’s not enough just to say ‘the information is out there if you want to find it’ – families with SEN children need more than that. If help is out there, it needs to be personalised, face to face advice that kicks in by default. Without this, needs will certainly be missed. We compare ourselves Whilst those who shout loudest are determined that their son or daughter will shoot to the top of the list when it comes to SEN113 senmagazine.co.uk