Fathers who care for children with disabilities do not get the support they need and feel marginalised as a result, claims a new survey conducted by the charities Scope and Netbuddy.
The survey, “Dad & Me”, questioned 500 father carers during April 2012 and asked what they think about the support systems in place for them and how they are coping.
Fathers report that they do not get sufficient support from bosses and co-workers – 15 per cent say that colleagues at work do not even know that they have a disabled child. Around 40 per cent are not aware of their right to request flexible working.
Relationship issues are also common with two thirds of respondents claiming that they are experiencing problems in this area and 80 per cent saying that they feel alone.
Roughly 25 per cent of dads say that they do not fully understand their child’s condition, while a third do not feel confident in caring for their child. Only about four in ten get help from support groups or professionals.
One father, Tom Berry, spoke of the pressure he and his wife are under caring for their daughter who has an undiagnosed medical condition manifesting itself in chronic hypotonia (floppy baby syndrome) and severe developmental delays. Mr Berry’s work as a geologist means he is away from home on a regular basis which puts extra strain on his wife. “It also means I feel like I should do as much as I can in the evenings and at weekends when I’m at home, to make up for my travelling. This makes for a long day”, he says.
Mr Berry feels he is one of the lucky ones, though, as he does have a supportive work environment. “Without an understanding employer,” he says, “I just don’t know how we’d cope. I really feel for other dads.”
Hello,
I wanted to say that it truly is a challenging role, being a parent of a child with special needs, and that I admire Mr Berry for being so honest. As a single mother with a teenage son who is about to go into a special unit, I can empathise with the daily stresses and the lack of understanding amongst parents who cannot understand our plight. My son is amazing, and often humbles me when I least expect it, but it can be incredibly lonely in our world. We need to support each other whenever we possibly can.